As most already know, being black comes with many difficulties. Many difficulties such as the global perception of blackness being deemed scary. Ugly. Repulsive even. Blackness can produce shame to those who are covered in it and forced to thread in a world that wants their blackness wiped out.
Being black is hard, but being a black woman can be merciless. Some may disagree, but this is coming from the perception of a black woman who could never get a handle of who she was while both being “black” and female. With being both black and female withholding you from figuring out your place in the world due to the uniqueness and struggle both bring. Black women’s sexuality and bodies are the most policed in what society defines as its views of beauty, sex appeal, and femininity.
Black girls are typically shamed for exploring their sexuality. This then leads to being labeled derogatory terms and being presented with constant misogyny. From both men and women. I personally believe misogyny from other women is just as harmful as misogyny from men. Black women are the least valued women in society yet we are constantly are being divisive against each other. Whether it’s based on looks, sexual openness, or economic status. Many of these judgments we place on each other were directly placed on us by misogyny. Many of this attack of misogyny from black men. We are told we aren’t feminine enough. We told our hair is too short, our shoulders too broad, our lips and noses too big. We are told we are dumb, and poor. And then we tell each other the same.
Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?
We judge each other based on skin tone, hair texture, salary, and “miles on our vagina.” We do these things even though everyone, and I mean everyone, else does this to us. This world steadily polices how we should look, be built, speak, dress, and even be in bed. When we don’t fit in those boxes, we are either considered strange to each other and unexpectedly different to white people. Why can’t we allow each other to be their unapologetic selves the same way that we long to be able to navigate as throughout society. We are passionate and sexual beings and we should allow each other to free to explore different things and be more transparent about life. I, myself have been a victim of relentless misogyny from both men and women due to my being a “free spirit.” Believe me when I say it is tormenting and devastating to a black girl’s self-esteem all throughout her life. I believe many black women suffer from insecurities when it comes to things such as confidence, sexuality, sexual identity, and even mental health.
I have learned from my own personal experiences that there is no point in trying to please others. It is best to be your honest self because folks will find a way to talk about you regardless. Misogyny from fellow black women is a huge problem in the black community but one of the least discussed issues. It’s time we start the conversation.
We all we got.